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Month: May 2016

30% less destruction

I spent some time looking at sledgehammers today. Cross-pens, mauls, splitting wedges. Went to the garden section, ostensibly to shop for Mother’s Day, but quickly fell for old distractions. Certain situations have always calmed me, like being in a hardware store with no one waiting in the car. But being in one the day before Mother’s Day with no solid ideas has never been one of them. One of the sledgehammers was tagged with a bright orange sticker: New! 30% More Destruction!

I’m not a fan of holidays, although I suppose I am a fan of mothers. One day a year is complete bullshit, really. A son is the slow destruction of other lives, starting with mom. There should be a Mother’s Day Eve, where everyone ridicules shitty sons. Or better yet a day after, like Boxing Day, except you get to sucker punch the worst son you know. And no re-gifting. The problem is most mothers wouldn’t like that. It’s solid justice sure, but I think this is why moms only get one day a year: they just don’t recognize justice when they see it, or even the crap in their own crappy sons.

I pledge to be a better son. Or at least to be roughly 1/3 less crappy. Is a pledge a good present? Better than a crappy blog post. Happy Mother’s Day Ma.